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Shrugs

The L.A. Galaxy were booted from the CONCACAF Champions League last night unceremoniously by Santos Laguna of Mexico by a score of 4-0.  

While Galaxy supporter group Angel City Brigade (ACB) traveled in good numbers to back the team in Torreon, Mexico, they apparently did not appreciate the clubs social media nerd failed attempt at humor posting a shrug face on twitter.  See below:

Note to social media nerds everywhere; nothing funny or tongue and cheek about getting your clock cleaned while being eliminated from the CONCACAF Champions League.  The Galaxy social media staffer might want to stay away from the supporter section in L.A. for a little while¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Minor league team creates another minor league team

Official word came out today that the shitbag semipro soccer club from St. Petersburg, the Tampa Bay Rowdies, have announced they are starting a 'B' team to compete in the Sunshine Conference of the National Premier Soccer League (NPSL).  

Not satisfied being losers in the NASL and with being a perpetual failure on the pitch compared to Orlando City (OCSC is 6-0 heads up against the Rowdies), Tampa Bay has chosen to spread their losing ways to yet another league.  It is rumored that the Rowdies NPSL B Team will be playing at XL Soccer in the Men's Tuesday C Division League during the off season.  Let's wish them continued failure and misery.  

MLS Expansion Has Only Begun...

Don Garber is a man of ambition.  He is the type of guy that would fight a homeless man in the subway for a quarter should that situation arise.  In a scoop recently given to this inquiring ILF blogger, Garber' recent announcement of MLS expansion to 28 teams is only the beginning  and a pretense as he is just testing the waters for his true objective.  In reality Don and the suits at MLS headquarters want to expand Major League Soccer to 351 teams across the country.  That's right ladies and gentlemen the real expansion goal is 351 soccer clubs under one umbrella of MLS.  

Our balding commissioner believes the NCAA model for college basketball would work in soccer.  It was told us anonymously that when the self proclaimed "Soccer Don" learned about the 2011 deal the NCAA signed for 10.8 billion dollars with CBS and Turner Broadcasting for the March Madness television rights deal, Garber spit out his Citrus Lime Fresca and was quoted as saying "holy fuck that's a lot of cheddar!"

             All Hail the Don

            All Hail the Don

Quickly the wheels started turning in the Dons head and he began thinking of how he could restructure Major League Soccer to get a television deal worth in the vicinity of the NCAA tournament for the MLS playoff.  For starters Don said to the MLS Board of Directors, "we have to expand to EVERY major market in America, big time college towns and even podunk crap cities like Tampa if we want to make it to the next level."  The Soccer Don further added "look at the division one NCAA model for men's college basketball.  Those guys have 351 first division teams across the nation and have a 64 team tournament to crown their champion where they make it rain with money. Why can't we do the same?  We have to think bigger and not limit ourselves by artificial constraints!" 

This would be an unprecedented level of expansion compared to any single professional sports league on the planet.  The Dons also suggested that they mimmick the NCAA basketball model and have the season culminate in a 64 team tournament much like the NCAA "March Madness" cash cow.  Garber has floated the name "Nutty November" as title of this 64 team knock out tournament to crown our MLS champion although that is still in the works.  

Don Garber is said to be a tyrant.  Some believe he runs MLS like the WWE where his favorites always come out ahead with the league's archaic rules that change as they go.  Others simply think he is an odd looking fellow who looks like Sam the Eagle from the Jim Henson Muppets.  Regardless of what you make of The Don however you can't question his ambition.  He is a man with a vision and a plan.  28 teams is only the beginning.  Haters will always bring up concerns of over saturation of the sport, the watering down of the professional soccer product in America and the league not addressing issues like shit markets that don't perform up to par (Colorado, Chicago, Dallas, DC United).  This does not suede The Soccer Don however.  No, no, no my barra brava friends.  Garber is the kind of guy who back in the day would play monopoly with his kids and steal money from the bank when they were not looking just to make sure he would bury his children in defeat.  His ambition knows no bounds and he is dead set on his vision becoming a reality and he will not be denied.

           Sam the Eagle or Don Garber?

           Sam the Eagle or Don Garber?

Things like league structure and scheduling are yet to be determined and works in progress said our anonymous source.  The MLS front offices were unavailable for comment.  

2016 Will Open Against NYCFC at the Citrus Bowl

We have no credibility.  I get it.  You have every right to take nothing we say seriously.  Our blog is thus far full of utter nonsense written with the intention to make you either laugh or incite phony anger and outrage over us mocking the entire amateur blog culture that takes itself far too seriously and is mostly full of bullshit analysis and dopey opinions.  If we achieve either, we have reached our goal.  Based on the 25,000 hits we have received in the first two weeks, we have at least succeeded at garnering attention.

This blog however was not created with the sole intention of pissing people off with satire or a cheap chuckle.  We from time to time will also have morsels of truth from we wish to share with our followers and members.  Today happens to be one of those days.  

Based on an anonymous source we have at the Major League Soccer front offices it has been confirmed to us that the season opener for OCSC next season will be at the Citrus Bowl against NYCFC.  We will be seeing the likes of David Villa, Frank Lampard and Andrea Pirlo in Orlando this March to kickoff the 2016 campaign.  Orlando City was given the option by MLSHQ to play whoever they wanted for the season opener.  We chose our rivals from the Bronx. 

While the MLS schedule is largely still to be determined, the opening game for Orlando City has now been confirmed to us by two separate independent sources.  

The boy who cried wolf has finally delivered.  You're welcome.

Neymar Deal Falls Through

Bad news for Orlando City fans throughout the planet.  The previously reported Neymar deal has fallen through.  The press conference scheduled for this Saturday at the Lake Eola Bowl to announce the transfer of Neymar to Orlando from Barcelona has been cancelled.  Neymar secretly flew into OIA on Monday, November 30th where he was picked up by team administrator and former OCSC stud Erik Ustruck to meet the front office, tour our facilities and make a quick publicity stop at Walt Disney World.

During the tour, Inchy and Neymar formally met for the first time.  It was reported to us by friend of the ILF and assistant coach for Orlando City Ian Fuller, that Adrian Heath hinted to Neymar he might have to play behind Cyle Larin at the start of the season.  Heath is high on Larin after his rookie of the year campaign and not willing to bench Cyle even for a world class footballer like Neymar.

The Brazilian international did not take well to this news as this compounded to his doubts of coming to America as he learned that the American tax code is more difficult to get around than he initially thought.  Neymar is not keen on paying the tax man just like his idol Willie Nelson.  

We have heard from anonymous sources within our front office that while disappointed, Phil Rawlins, Flavio Da Silva, Paul McDonough and Alex Wolf are happy with the prospects of Cyle Larin being our unquestioned number one striker going into 2016.  

Happy trails Neymar.  Best of luck with the Catalans in La Liga and the Champions League.  Should you ever choose to change your mind and earn your playing time behind Cyle Larin, you will have a home here in Orlando anytime.