Tampa

Minor league team creates another minor league team

Official word came out today that the shitbag semipro soccer club from St. Petersburg, the Tampa Bay Rowdies, have announced they are starting a 'B' team to compete in the Sunshine Conference of the National Premier Soccer League (NPSL).  

Not satisfied being losers in the NASL and with being a perpetual failure on the pitch compared to Orlando City (OCSC is 6-0 heads up against the Rowdies), Tampa Bay has chosen to spread their losing ways to yet another league.  It is rumored that the Rowdies NPSL B Team will be playing at XL Soccer in the Men's Tuesday C Division League during the off season.  Let's wish them continued failure and misery.  

MLS Expansion Has Only Begun...

Don Garber is a man of ambition.  He is the type of guy that would fight a homeless man in the subway for a quarter should that situation arise.  In a scoop recently given to this inquiring ILF blogger, Garber' recent announcement of MLS expansion to 28 teams is only the beginning  and a pretense as he is just testing the waters for his true objective.  In reality Don and the suits at MLS headquarters want to expand Major League Soccer to 351 teams across the country.  That's right ladies and gentlemen the real expansion goal is 351 soccer clubs under one umbrella of MLS.  

Our balding commissioner believes the NCAA model for college basketball would work in soccer.  It was told us anonymously that when the self proclaimed "Soccer Don" learned about the 2011 deal the NCAA signed for 10.8 billion dollars with CBS and Turner Broadcasting for the March Madness television rights deal, Garber spit out his Citrus Lime Fresca and was quoted as saying "holy fuck that's a lot of cheddar!"

             All Hail the Don

            All Hail the Don

Quickly the wheels started turning in the Dons head and he began thinking of how he could restructure Major League Soccer to get a television deal worth in the vicinity of the NCAA tournament for the MLS playoff.  For starters Don said to the MLS Board of Directors, "we have to expand to EVERY major market in America, big time college towns and even podunk crap cities like Tampa if we want to make it to the next level."  The Soccer Don further added "look at the division one NCAA model for men's college basketball.  Those guys have 351 first division teams across the nation and have a 64 team tournament to crown their champion where they make it rain with money. Why can't we do the same?  We have to think bigger and not limit ourselves by artificial constraints!" 

This would be an unprecedented level of expansion compared to any single professional sports league on the planet.  The Dons also suggested that they mimmick the NCAA basketball model and have the season culminate in a 64 team tournament much like the NCAA "March Madness" cash cow.  Garber has floated the name "Nutty November" as title of this 64 team knock out tournament to crown our MLS champion although that is still in the works.  

Don Garber is said to be a tyrant.  Some believe he runs MLS like the WWE where his favorites always come out ahead with the league's archaic rules that change as they go.  Others simply think he is an odd looking fellow who looks like Sam the Eagle from the Jim Henson Muppets.  Regardless of what you make of The Don however you can't question his ambition.  He is a man with a vision and a plan.  28 teams is only the beginning.  Haters will always bring up concerns of over saturation of the sport, the watering down of the professional soccer product in America and the league not addressing issues like shit markets that don't perform up to par (Colorado, Chicago, Dallas, DC United).  This does not suede The Soccer Don however.  No, no, no my barra brava friends.  Garber is the kind of guy who back in the day would play monopoly with his kids and steal money from the bank when they were not looking just to make sure he would bury his children in defeat.  His ambition knows no bounds and he is dead set on his vision becoming a reality and he will not be denied.

           Sam the Eagle or Don Garber?

           Sam the Eagle or Don Garber?

Things like league structure and scheduling are yet to be determined and works in progress said our anonymous source.  The MLS front offices were unavailable for comment.  

What do Barra Brava's Eat for Thanksgiving?

As thanksgiving is around the corner, one might ask themselves what do true barra brava's like to eat for thanksgiving?  We will answer that question today. 

1.  Turkey - What kind of barra brava doesn't like to stuff their mouth with some good turkey?  I will tell you, a poser.  No true barra brava is a vegetarian or vegan.  Barra brava's all love booze, cigarettes, illegal shit and meat.  Show me a barra brava that doesn't like turkey and I will point your way to Columbus or Tampa. 

2.  Roasted Potatoes - True barra brava's keep it simple.  No over the top fancy stuff or sides.   Potatoes are filling, affordable and delicious.  An ultra is perfectly happy with roasted potatoes to compliment the turkey.  

3.  Cornbread - Orlando City is a club that for the moment represents the entire southeast region of the United States.  As representatives of our region, ILF barra brava's eat corn bread.  Being in the deep south, you learn quickly to eat things like grits, turnip greens, sweet potatoes and pan-fried chicken.  Few food items however are as representative our our region than cornbread.  Barra brava's are proud of where they are from and what they represent.  Down here we eat corn bread.  

4.  Biscuits - True barra brava's like carbs and have a belly.  You don't get a belly by eating vegetables and healthy.  You get a healthy belly by eating biscuits with lots of butter on top to accompany the turkey down your gullet.  Respect to all overweight barra brava's.

Biscuits.jpeg

5. Purple Cauliflower - ILF barra brava's hate vegetables but they love the color purple.  Perhaps the tastiest of purple vegetables is purple cauliflower.  Purple cauliflower can be eaten raw or roasted with garlic as shown by our friends at spiceyfoodie.com (http://www.spiciefoodie.com/2013/07/19/garlicky-oven-roasted-purple-cauliflower-with-a-splash-of-lemon-juice/).  For those of you that have not tried this tasty delicacy, we encourage you to do so.  

Happy thanksgiving to you and your family from the Iron Lion Firm.