The New York Post, Orlando Sentinel, and former OCSC beat writer Paul Tenorio are all confirming the news that Orlando City has traded center back and 2015 Mr. ILF award winner Aurélien Collin to the New York Red Bulls for a fourth round draft pick. A good MLS player at a position of need, traded for a bag of peanuts. Oh, and word is City will eat $250,000 of Collin's salary. To say this trade is baffling is an understatement. Anyone that knows what the hell is going on at OCSC headquarters please email us at firstname.lastname@example.org. Because we sure as fuck can't figure it out. If you need us we will be drowning our sorrows with a bottle of Jack. This one's for you Collin!
Antonio Nocerino has landed in Orlando. Sorry Harrison Heath, the only girls you will be pulling in Orlando now are the ones Nocerino allows you to.
May 17, 2015 was a special day in the minds of the Orlando City faithful. After a run of inconsistency between the sticks by opening-day goalkeeper Donovan Ricketts, the Citrus Bowl erupted as it was announced that Tally Hall would finally be taking his place in goal. That match was everything in terms of a dream debut for the two-time MLS All Star as it was an absolute drubbing of defending MLS Cup champions LA Galaxy with a scoreline of 4-0. It was an instant classic, but this wasn't the first time that many of the supporters got to interact with Hall.
From the initial open practice and throughout the beginning of the season, Tally was a mainstay in the supporter's section while recovering from offseason knee surgery incurred as a result of an ACL tear suffered towards the end of the 2014 season. Hall was all smiles on match days, gladly taking photos with any fans within reach. The 6'4" man would often take center stage during prematch warmups greeting fans from the capo stands, often resulting in repeated chants referencing the "nice ass suit" he happened to sport on that day. Following the Galaxy win, Hall's outfit on match days was accented with the purple and gold Lion badge over his chest, as his performances in goal powered the Lions to within five points of a potential playoff berth. Performances that were recognized by accolades such as multiple MLS Save of the Week nominations as well as being named to FIFA 15's Ultimate Team of the Week.
As has been widely reported, Tally Hall's contract option was not picked up by Orlando City Soccer Club likely as a result of a second ACL injury in as many seasons. Shortly thereafter Hall took to social media to express sadness at what had transpired, as the club's vision for him to be the goalkeeper for their MLS present and immediate future came to an abrupt end. However, spectacular saves are not all that Tally Hall was known for. A young female who frequents select downtown Orlando area dives has shared with our ILF News Team some experiences that she had observed firsthand while amongst the masses in Section 121. The Houston native had followed Hall's career through his time with the Dynamo and stated her excitement at Orlando City's acquisition of him prior to the 2015 season. Through the smiles and the waves however, the young woman speculates that Hall may have been uneasy.
Through the progression of the season it was not uncommon to hear crass and profane statements yelled towards our goalkeeper in warmups or even following matches themselves. So graphic were some of the apparent statements, that most major sports outlets ignored them altogether for fear of losing valuable advertisers. We here at the Iron Lion Firm pride ourselves on being the voice of the voiceless, and take honor in informing our loyal readers of developments, or in this case, injustices that occur. I have personally heard throughout the season dozens of fans stating that they would engage in lustful acts with our stoic keeper, and the young informant stated it was not uncommon to hear women blurt out statements such as "I'm pregnant with Tally's baby" multiple times on match day. Her adoration too extended to this playful heckling, but upon seeing Hall post a picture of a crocheted Orlando City onesie for his baby, she felt the need to be more respectful of his family and bring attention to the damage the collective's alcohol induced words may cause.
It's likely that the Hall departure can be attributed to growing insecurity with the rabid Central Florida male and female admirers, and the potential stressors that come along with those individuals tracking a public figure's every move. Not to mention at this moment Hall needs to be focused on recovery and subsequent rehab without worrying about empty claims from a Backbooth charlatan. The club may have orchestrated the "walking papers" exit as a way to save the Tally from receiving any backlash from the fans, as the supporters would not take kindly to a player wanting to leave. In this instance, it's absolutely unlikely Hall wanted to depart as the Citrus Bowl revered in his glory as his successes were our successes, and his current injury setback is a struggle for this fan base as well.
The ILF Chief Mythbuster, who accompanied me to meet with the young informant, took these claims from the legions of female fans and after tedious research drew a conclusion that may have not required any number crunching whatsoever. Tally Hall was NOT the father of any of the unborn children, because even if he was the most eligible of bachelors and hooked up with any of the female claimants, he'd save that too. Hopefully these scientific results put the Hall family, and Orlando City brass, at ease as we'd welcome him back on his road to recovery. To many of us, "The Wall" moniker pays homage to Tally as much as the purple-clad population.
As thanksgiving is around the corner, one might ask themselves what do true barra brava's like to eat for thanksgiving? We will answer that question today.
1. Turkey - What kind of barra brava doesn't like to stuff their mouth with some good turkey? I will tell you, a poser. No true barra brava is a vegetarian or vegan. Barra brava's all love booze, cigarettes, illegal shit and meat. Show me a barra brava that doesn't like turkey and I will point your way to Columbus or Tampa.
2. Roasted Potatoes - True barra brava's keep it simple. No over the top fancy stuff or sides. Potatoes are filling, affordable and delicious. An ultra is perfectly happy with roasted potatoes to compliment the turkey.
3. Cornbread - Orlando City is a club that for the moment represents the entire southeast region of the United States. As representatives of our region, ILF barra brava's eat corn bread. Being in the deep south, you learn quickly to eat things like grits, turnip greens, sweet potatoes and pan-fried chicken. Few food items however are as representative our our region than cornbread. Barra brava's are proud of where they are from and what they represent. Down here we eat corn bread.
4. Biscuits - True barra brava's like carbs and have a belly. You don't get a belly by eating vegetables and healthy. You get a healthy belly by eating biscuits with lots of butter on top to accompany the turkey down your gullet. Respect to all overweight barra brava's.
5. Purple Cauliflower - ILF barra brava's hate vegetables but they love the color purple. Perhaps the tastiest of purple vegetables is purple cauliflower. Purple cauliflower can be eaten raw or roasted with garlic as shown by our friends at spiceyfoodie.com (http://www.spiciefoodie.com/2013/07/19/garlicky-oven-roasted-purple-cauliflower-with-a-splash-of-lemon-juice/). For those of you that have not tried this tasty delicacy, we encourage you to do so.
Happy thanksgiving to you and your family from the Iron Lion Firm.