15 Things Better Than The Julio Baptista Signing

Sources close to the ILF Blog have indicated that Orlando City will be announcing the signing of 34 year old Brazilian forward Julio Baptista in the very near future. This source going as far as saying "This signing is 100% happening." The transfer is definitely a Flavio signing because who else would bring in a 34 year old Brazilian attacker that's scored 16 goals in the last 5 years for Malaga and most recently Cruzeiro. Baptista's best season was 2003-04 with Sevilla where he scored 24 goals for the Spanish club which spurred a move to Real Madrid two seasons later, which led to his demise as he only reach double digit goals in a season twice more. With the defense being a clear weakness through week 3 of the MLS season, the question everyone is asking....what the actual fuck? So with that, we bring you 15 things better than the signing of 34 year old striker, Julio Baptista.

  1.  Week old Gringo's Double D's
  2.  The bathroom at IBar on a Friday night
  3.  Portapotty's in Lot 11 on a hot summer day
  4. Arsenal after the New Year (still up for debate)
  5. Warm Budweiser
  6. The 2014-2015 Philadelphia 76ers
  7. Newcastle's title chances
  8. Kyrgyzstan's chances of winning a World Cup
  9. The lines for alcohol at Wall St. on Cinco de Mayo
  10. Nickelback's latest album (not really)
  11. Rocky 5
  12. Columbus Crew's chances of filling their stadium (probably not)
  13. Servando Carrasco's mustache
  14. Tony Cascio's 2015 MLS season
  15. Getting two foot tackled by Aurellien Collin