Orlando City 4 - LA Galaxy 0: Where Are They Now?

Almost two years ago the LA Galaxy rolled into town as the 2014 MLS champions. I remembered this day well surprisingly as I had started drinking early in the day for the EPL matches and a few of my mates had birthday's that weekend. We had lost 3 out of last 4 matches going into the Galaxy match and hadn't won a home match that season so many of us expected the worst. What would end up happening however was something we'd all remember for a long long time.

So almost two years later, where are they now?

Tally Hall:
A fan favorite during the 2015 Orlando City season, Tally went from saving our butts throughout the course of the season to kicking butts all around Orlando as part of the Orlando Police Department. When he's not fighting crime, he can be seen hanging outside Valhalla Bakery with a Churro doughnut in hand.

Rafael Ramos:

Still an Orlando City player, Ramos has yet to fulfill his potential at right back. Injuries and red cards have derailed the once promising player from Benfica. Though still only 22, Ramos needs to prove he can stay healthy and worry less about taking selfies at Sea World.

Seb Hines:

Easily one of the most scrutinized players Orlando City has had in the last few years. A prime target for memes and trolls on Twitter with Kermit the Frog as their avatar, Seb Hines has since been replaced by the likes of Spector, Aja and Redding. I have to admit, I actually forgot he was still an Orlando City player.

Sean St. Ledger:

Sorry I got to do it, LOL. Sean St. Ledger's stay in Orlando was short lived and I honestly have no idea what he's doing nowadays nor do I really care to Google it. After starting against the Galaxy, St. Ledger lasted roughly two more months with Orlando City before not making the flight back from New York after a 5-3 defeat against NYCFC. 

Luke Boden:

Oh Luke, why? A fan favorite for many years going back to the USL days. Bodz was released after the 2016 Orlando City season as he struggled to keep up with the pace of the MLS. He unfortunately went on to sign for some shitty club, has changed barbers and now has a crappy hairdo. 

Cristian Higuita:

The Colombian midfielder is still around and a vital part of Jason Kreis's squad. Do I expect him to be here for another two years? Probably not. Higuita has a fairly high ceiling and if he can work on his temper and avoiding cards, we could see him part ways with Orlando City in the not so distant future.

Darwin Ceren:

After the match was already locked up, Ceren decided to add on to the goal tally with the 4th and final goal of the stomping. Since then Ceren was traded for Matias Perez Garcia who has been an absolute beast since coming to Orlando and getting regular minutes. One of the better transactions in Orlando City history I'd say. 

Eric Avila:

Avila scored 1 of the 4 goals on this day and since then his career has went down the drain and by that I mean he plays for Tampa nowadays. 


Currently recovering from an injury suffered on the first match of the 2017 season, Kaka has had numerous stints on the injury list since that day in 2015. Kaka however did provide one of the more memorable moments in Orlando City MLS history when he scored a 56th minute penalty kick and ran to the bench to collect a Kevin Molino jersey who was injured two weeks prior. It was nice sign of respect for a player he'd only befriended a few months prior.

Brek Shea:

Brek never lived up to the hype during his days in Orlando. Besides schooling a NYCFC player on opening day in 2015 and a rocket goal in 2016 against Portland, Brek didn't do a whole lot. Before the 2017 season, Shea was traded to Vancouver in exchange for Giles Barnes who in his short time in Orlando has become a fan favorite for his hustle and heart. Something Brek Shea never seemed to have. 

Cyle Larin:

Dat Guy produced the 2nd goal of the match and would later go on to break the MLS Rookie Goal Record. While frustrating at times when he seems disinterested, no one can debate that he has an eye for goal. So far in 2017 he has scored 3 goals in 4 matches and has been a very important part of the attack for Orlando City. Though it's not a given that Larin is here in the long run, we can only hope he keeps banging in the goals. 




Halloween Costume Ideas: Orlando City Edition

Halloween is right around the corner, folks. What better way to show up to a Halloween party than as your favorite Orlando City player? We've got you covered with our best 7 Orlando City costume ideas! 


Joe Bendik - Brick Wall 

Donald Trump wish he had a wall like Bendik. Capable of magnificent saves and let's face it the guys jaw looks like it's made of brick. Joe Bendik is a bad hombre that we'd like to keep.  

Brek Shea - Brek Shea 

Lets face it, Brek is already pretty weird and a Brek Shea costume would speak for itself. Odd looking hair and questionable Instagram posts, this costume would sure get a lot of looks at whatever booze fest you attend. 

David Mateos - A Tree 

Self explanatory and not the good type of tree. Fair warning though, people will probably try to use you as a coat rack at your costume party.

Rafael Ramos - Daniel Sturridge 

Capable of moments of brilliance but spends most of their time in a ER wing? Yep. Don't try anything fancy at your Halloween party or you might end up injured for 6-8 weeks. Please take lots of selfies though. 

 Matias Perez Garcia - AntMan 

Roughly the same height, MPG packs a punch when he's on the pitch. Ceren who? Amiright? 

 Kaka - Mr. Smithers from The Simpsons

Come on now, Ricky is swimming in the dough. Both are worth boat loads of money and capable of getting people fired from their job. :) 

Carlos Rivas - Luis Mendoza from Mighty Ducks

Fastest kid alive but can't seem to finish? This costume will make sure that you get drunk the quickest but you'll end up going home by yourself at the end of the night. 



Happy Halloween & Vamos Orlando! 

Orlando City v. NYRB: Match Recap

   I'm just annoyed, probably a little tired too. I sound like a broken record at this point but it's a reoccurring theme, Orlando City getting  done over by MLS referees. That's 3 matches in a row, yes I said 3 that MLS referees decided the match for the Lions. Buckle your seat belts ladies and gentleman, this season is going to be a bumpy ride. 

Gingers Have No Soul: 

Listen here Lalas you curly haired twat, your commentary blows and your defense of Pro Referees is absurd. Alexi "Don't look into my eyes or I'll steal your soul" Lalas spent 90+ minutes gushing about the New Jersey Red Bulls and talking up how Pro Referees are on par with the officiating from around the world. Lalas went on to say that referees around the World make mistakes on a daily, which turns out is the worst possible argument one could come up with. Pro Referees are making mistakes at an alarming rate and deciding crucial matches. Lalas, go put some sunscreen on you pale loser. 

 PRO Refs Back At It Again:

Another Orlando City match, Another day of getting pushed around by MLS officials. Hilario Grajeda, I hope you're reading this while at your second job as a bus boy at the local Applebees, YOU'RE TRASH. Your wife left you cause you made bad decisions like buying 1-ply toilet paper, Fruity Pebbles and investing in Enron. MLS refs were so bad this week they didn't even wait until after the match to announce they made a mistake, they announced it during the game. Get your act together Grajeda and get me some mozzarella sticks while you're at it. 

Dat Guy:  

Reports came out shortly before kickoff that Norwegian club Molde had sent a scout to watch Cyle Larin as a potential target for the club overseas. Canadian Messi didn't disappoint once again, scoring another goal bringing his season tally up to 4 this season. Most of us have settled on the idea that Larin won't be here long term but when that time comes we're going to get PAID. It is not out of the realm of possibility that Larin could bring in a transfer fee in 8 figures. Needless to say, we eatin'.

Playing Defense for Dummies: 

Another nightmare for Orlando's back line and frankly that's being nice. Hines was ripped to shreds, Shea besides one good goal saving clearance was humiliated and poor Ramos and Redding were hiding in the corner begging to make it stop. I said this before after the Baptista signing and I'll say it again, Orlando should've invested in their backline. Poor Joe Bendik who put in another quality performance spent the majority of the evening screaming at his players in his best Kevin Hart voice "Help me......HELP ME." Defense wins championships it's simple as that, unless of course you're Manchester United. 

We See You Homie Award:

The We See You Homie award for this week goes to none other then Cristian Higuita. After this very blog tore Higuita apart for his lazy performance in our recap after the Chicago Fire match, the young Colombian hasn't put in a bad shift since. New Jersey Red Bulls players were well aware of the fact that Higuita is card friendly, but the young lad remained calm and collective for the majority of the match. Inevitably the kid did pick up a yellow card but at that point in the match we were all content with the entire squad fighting the Red Bulls players and all getting shown reds. Keep doing your thing homie, don't let the man bring you down. 

Up Next: 

Saturday night the Lions will travel to New England for a rematch against the Rev's. The last time these two teams met Pro Referees awarded the Rev's a penalty kick for an infraction outside the box which ref's later on declared was a mistake, yeah no shit Sherlock. Along with the match drama, multiple arrests were made in the North side of the stadium as spectators were seen throwing their very own children at the refs and New England Revs players after they ran out of water bottles and beer cans, I SEENT IT. Anyways, I hope you all have a good week and I'm looking forward to Higuita giving Lee Nguyen an atomic wedgie on Saturday Night. 




Make America Grape Again


It's Thursday.  You already know what it is and if you don't, take a seat under the learning tree.  Pay tribute to central Florida icon and national treasure, Grape La Flame every Thursday night @ 10pm at The Patio with Talk Yo Shit.  It's the most live event in downtown Orlando, it's a damn institution and you will witness greatness as Grape himself commands the room with top choice hip hop. 

Drink specials are fire too.  Tell your friends.  Bring your parents.  Don't bother with karaoke at Applebee's anymore, bring that ass.

This just isn't working anymore, can we take a break?

Larin is dat guy.

Larin is dat guy.

Beginning this season Major League Soccer teams were given the option of not playing during periods of international duty.  This greatly benefits Orlando City Soccer Club as many of our beloved Lions were called up to play for their country, thus leaving us shorthanded for many games in 2015.

The international break is observed by leagues around the world and is seen as an opportunity to rest ailing players that aren't selected and it is generally perceived as a method of ensuring that club teams are able to compete at their strongest throughout the season.  Amongst the benefits there are casualties, and none more glaring than the soccer fan.



One fan in particular, a central Florida area resident of Honduran ancestry that I conversed with at the OCSC-NYCFC watch party at Lizzy McCormack's, was recently discussing with me the two week period as it is devoid of the beautiful game he loves.  When I made mention that he would be able to occupy himself with friends playing the newest iteration of FIFA, he called me a "nerd" and proceeded to order himself two shots of Jameson Irish Whiskey, ignoring me for the remainder of the evening. 

My only other interaction of the night was with a gentleman en route to the restroom that I inadvertently bumped into.  Prior to me asking his thoughts regarding the upcoming break in play, the young man peculiarly asked, "Are you a cop?" to which I responded, "No sir.  I'm a journalist. "

The man, a bit inebriated at this point, described the love and devotion he shares for Orlando City however became increasingly emotional when faced with the realization that there would be a two week layoff leading up to Orlando City's next match against the Portland Timbers.  After briefly referring to himself in the third person and describing his lack of patience with PRO referees, the individual chugged the remainder of his vodka soda then exited the establishment.  It is said that he's now traveling with Disney on Ice.   


We feel ya, brother

We feel ya, brother

This is a cautionary tale for those of us also suffering through the grueling international break with little action aside from spring training baseball and moderately related satirical articles.  You are not alone.  Be there for one another, the time will pass.