Dat Guy

OCSC v. SKC: Get 3 Points Or Die Tryin'

   I'll admit there was like a 0.00001% chance of me writing this weeks match preview or in layman's terms the same chance the Philadelphia Eagles have of winning a Super Bowl this year, as I've been slowly dying in bed the last few days. Nevertheless your boy is back with the one and only Orlando City preview that matters. I'm currently writing this piece in the corner of a dark room with a single lit candle slowly withering away but without further ado I bring you the match preview for your Orlando City Lions versus Sporting Kansas City.

 

Larin v. Some Guy Named Dom:

Two of the leagues most lethal strikers go head to head on Sunday as Cyle and Mr. Leroux face off. Both forwards go into this match with 4 goals thus far this season with Dom playing 4 more games than our homie, Larin. Larin has been in poor form as of late after scoring 3 in his first 3 matches which somehow coincides with the signing of Julio Baptista. All you people that were saying Baptista would be a good mentor for the young Canadian, what exactly is he teaching him? I'll just keep sipping my tea. Anyways, let's hope Dat Guy can return to his scoring ways on Sunday. 

The Brek Dilemma:

I've gone on record for some time now and said that Brek Shea is not a LB or a LWB like some of the American Outlaw nerds fantasize him as. With a defense that's already been in shambles this season, moving Brek from left wing to left back has proved time in and time out to be a mistake. Yes even after his binge drinking at the golf course with his mates, Brek still has one of the highest motor's on this squad. Doesn't mean he belong's at left back, if anything he belongs more up field and can be asked to track back when need be. The Bodz/Shea combination was actually pretty successful last year but Boden has been an after thought this season. Don't worry Flavio, I'm currently scouting out Brazilian left backs from the 1998 World Cup for you to sign.  

It Was All Good A Week Ago:

Last week we were sitting pretty in 4th place in the East after our draw with the Red Bulls but all wasn't fine and dandy. The difference between 4th place and 9th place was roughly 3 points and any set of results could flip that upside down. As of 9am this morning we sit in 7th place, though we've played the least amount of matches in the league we could see ourselves drop down to 9th place if we don't pick up at least 3 points this afternoon. I don't care if it's legal, by all means get 3 points. 

Carrasco Homecoming:

Eh, who cares.

Nerd Alert:

You ever wondered what a mixture of Comic-Con and a Magic the Gathering convention looked like? I introduce you to The Cauldron. Known for their love of the TV cameras, singing "I Believe" 213 times a match and horrible banter in the Twitter universe. Cauldron almost make American Outlaws look like Ultra's from a 3rd division league in Croatia, I said ALMOST. While I've been writing this, the ILF on Tour boys have been stealing your chicks and drinking your beers. Have a nice day.

Prediction:

I'm honestly not going into this match with any high expectations, I'm thinking a 2-2 draw sounds about right however. Sporting Kansas City aren't off to the best start this season so they could be ripe for the picking, I'll be okay with a draw but if we can take 3 points from those bozo's I'll be through the roof. Lastly, enjoy the match and pour out a beer for your boy while I'm dying in bed. Shout out to them ILF on Tour boys!

I'm out!

Vamos Orlando!

 

 

Orlando City v. NYRB: Match Recap

   I'm just annoyed, probably a little tired too. I sound like a broken record at this point but it's a reoccurring theme, Orlando City getting  done over by MLS referees. That's 3 matches in a row, yes I said 3 that MLS referees decided the match for the Lions. Buckle your seat belts ladies and gentleman, this season is going to be a bumpy ride. 

Gingers Have No Soul: 

Listen here Lalas you curly haired twat, your commentary blows and your defense of Pro Referees is absurd. Alexi "Don't look into my eyes or I'll steal your soul" Lalas spent 90+ minutes gushing about the New Jersey Red Bulls and talking up how Pro Referees are on par with the officiating from around the world. Lalas went on to say that referees around the World make mistakes on a daily, which turns out is the worst possible argument one could come up with. Pro Referees are making mistakes at an alarming rate and deciding crucial matches. Lalas, go put some sunscreen on you pale loser. 

 PRO Refs Back At It Again:

Another Orlando City match, Another day of getting pushed around by MLS officials. Hilario Grajeda, I hope you're reading this while at your second job as a bus boy at the local Applebees, YOU'RE TRASH. Your wife left you cause you made bad decisions like buying 1-ply toilet paper, Fruity Pebbles and investing in Enron. MLS refs were so bad this week they didn't even wait until after the match to announce they made a mistake, they announced it during the game. Get your act together Grajeda and get me some mozzarella sticks while you're at it. 

Dat Guy:  

Reports came out shortly before kickoff that Norwegian club Molde had sent a scout to watch Cyle Larin as a potential target for the club overseas. Canadian Messi didn't disappoint once again, scoring another goal bringing his season tally up to 4 this season. Most of us have settled on the idea that Larin won't be here long term but when that time comes we're going to get PAID. It is not out of the realm of possibility that Larin could bring in a transfer fee in 8 figures. Needless to say, we eatin'.

Playing Defense for Dummies: 

Another nightmare for Orlando's back line and frankly that's being nice. Hines was ripped to shreds, Shea besides one good goal saving clearance was humiliated and poor Ramos and Redding were hiding in the corner begging to make it stop. I said this before after the Baptista signing and I'll say it again, Orlando should've invested in their backline. Poor Joe Bendik who put in another quality performance spent the majority of the evening screaming at his players in his best Kevin Hart voice "Help me......HELP ME." Defense wins championships it's simple as that, unless of course you're Manchester United. 

We See You Homie Award:

The We See You Homie award for this week goes to none other then Cristian Higuita. After this very blog tore Higuita apart for his lazy performance in our recap after the Chicago Fire match, the young Colombian hasn't put in a bad shift since. New Jersey Red Bulls players were well aware of the fact that Higuita is card friendly, but the young lad remained calm and collective for the majority of the match. Inevitably the kid did pick up a yellow card but at that point in the match we were all content with the entire squad fighting the Red Bulls players and all getting shown reds. Keep doing your thing homie, don't let the man bring you down. 

Up Next: 

Saturday night the Lions will travel to New England for a rematch against the Rev's. The last time these two teams met Pro Referees awarded the Rev's a penalty kick for an infraction outside the box which ref's later on declared was a mistake, yeah no shit Sherlock. Along with the match drama, multiple arrests were made in the North side of the stadium as spectators were seen throwing their very own children at the refs and New England Revs players after they ran out of water bottles and beer cans, I SEENT IT. Anyways, I hope you all have a good week and I'm looking forward to Higuita giving Lee Nguyen an atomic wedgie on Saturday Night. 

I'M OUT!

VAMOS ORLANDO

 

Orlando City vs Chicago Fire: Match Recap

Ladies and gentlemen, settle in cause it looks like we're in for a long season. We're not like other columns that'll sugar coat everything. We'll call you out when it's needed and if the team isn't performing we're not going to sit here and tell you everything will be okay. So here is a recap of Friday nights shit show:

Kaka, Where Art Thou? 

  

Our captain picked up a knock the weekend of the season opener against Real Salt Lake and was ruled out once again last night against Chicago. It goes without saying that Orlando in MLS has had little success without Kaka but with the likes of Molino, Shea and Nocerino you'd think the squad could get past the WORST TEAM IN THE ENTIRE LEAGUE. Kaka will inevitably miss more matches because of his age (shit happens) and possible Brazil national team call ups. This team needs to be better prepared for life without Kaka. 

CYLE FUCKING LARIN: 

We're going to be real with you, Cyle Larin will not be an Orlando City player in the long haul. This kid has such a high ceiling and is so young that it would be an abomination if he spent his entire career in MLS. So for now, we need to enjoy Larin as much as possible because he simply is a joy to watch. So when you see Cyle in downtown Orlando dancing on a couch somewhere with a bottle in hand, make sure you buy a round for the kid. 

We See You Carrasco: 

It almost pains me to give Servando credit for the second article in a row but the guy clearly heard what we said. Arguably one of his best performances as an Orlando City player, Carrasco is finally turning into an important player for the Lions. On multiple occasions last night Servando confronted Chicago Fire players for their dramatized antics and we here at the ILF Blog eat that stuff up. Here's to you Carrasco, keep doing your thing and maybe Alex Morgan will share a bed with you. 

Junior Colombian Burger is Hiring: 

Listen to me and listen to me good, if you're going to go out there and not play for the badge on your shirt you need to find a new job. We're looking at you, Higuita. That weak ass display is not something us supporters take kindly to. We get it, you're going from a main role in the team to a backup role but to put on a display like that and see you out partying with the boys after? Nah fam, that's not going to slide with us. We here at ILF condone partying like no other but not after drawing against the worst team in MLS who had 10 men for the majority of the match. Go flip some burgers, dweeb. 

Junior Colombian Burger is hiring, Higuita.  

Junior Colombian Burger is hiring, Higuita.  

Outstanding Atmosphere: 

Friday nights brings out a different kind of atmosphere at the Citrus Bowl. The tailgate, the excitement for the weekend, the inevitable after parties all mixed into one bring out some of the liveliest displays from Orlando City fans. The light display prior to kickoff was definitely one to remember and to see fans in the farthest parts away from the supporter section joining in on the display was a joy to watch. Hats off to not just The Wall but the entire Citrus Bowl. 

What's Next: 

Orlando City travel to the Bronx next week for a Friday night matchup against Man City B in a Eastern Conference matchup as the Lions try to pickup their first 3 points. We will be bringing a "tour guide" for all the OCSC supporters traveling to New York this upcoming week ;). 

I'm out this bitch! Enjoy your weekend.