Colombian Burger

Orlando City v.s Oil Money FC: Match Recap

      Friday marked the first win of the Orlando City season and continued the Lion's undefeated streak in the early 2016 MLS season. While not the greatest of performances, three points is three points and that's all that matters against Oil Money FC.

CYLE LARIN, SO HOT RIGHT NOW:

I told myself before writing this that I wouldn't allow myself to come off as obsessed with Larin and to avoid being overly clingy at all costs but I sadly can't help it. The Canadian kid is really something special. He scored this week with his face. WITH HIS FREAKING FACE. How good do you have to be that you get bored with scoring with your feet and start scoring with your face? That's three goals in three matches for Cyle which if my math is right means he's on pace to score like 84 goals this year (I've failed math countless times). Sophomore slump? Nah son.

BENDIK WEARS ICE SKATES:

While many will praise Joe Bendik for making a few crucial saves late on in the game, it should be noted that Bendik was skating the first half hour of Friday night's match. Slipping while clearing the ball and performing triple axles in front of goal is not something we like to see from our goalkeeper. Bendik is a semi-decent goalkeeper, but we don't suggest showing off his professional ice skater moves during an actual match especially against an Eastern Conference rival. Get some actual cleats, this isn't the Winter Olympics.

Kaka's World Tour:

After missing his third match in a row and no word of a return in the near future, it's safe to say that Mr. Kaka has fully embraced his celebrity status. "Last I heard, he was opening up for Rihanna on tour" said one Orlando City front office member. This would explain Kaka's absence from training pictures and his increase of Instagram pictures with celebs like Travi$ Scott, Gloria Estefan and Grape La Flame. Well, it was fun while it lasted. Thanks for everything Ricky.

HIGUITA READ OUR BLOG:

It's no myth that the ILF blog has a history for calling out players. We wouldn't be doing our job if we didn't put our own players under the microscope from time to time. Last week's victim was Cristian Higuita and he clearly reads our blog when he's on break from his part-time job at Junior Colombian Burger cause he put in a great shift on Friday night. Against Chicago, the Colombian midfielder was lazy and showed no heart and we're going to let you know it if you put in a weak ass performance like that. However, against Oil Money FC the kid from Colombia put in a performance full of hustle, outstanding slide tackles and got in the face of multiple New York players. We see you, homie. (Next time send one of those slide tackles Patrick Vieira's way)

Third Rail "Tifo":

Your parents own shares in Apple, gave you a $50,000 car when you turned 16 and you have courtside Knicks tickets? You must be a Third Rail supporter. Oil Money FC love making tifos when Orlando City goes up to the Bronx and we always appreciate that kind of love. Friday nights tifo was brought to you by Mrs. Johnson's 3rd grade class at PS 83 in the Bronx. While the artwork was mediocre, we can respect allowing kids to design your tifo.

UP NEXT:

The Lions have two weeks off before the MLS defending champions Portland Hipsters roll into town on April 3rd. We can expect an increase in beards, unicycles, birds on things and people asking "is this gluten free?" when their away supporters make their way to Orlando.

Orlando City vs Chicago Fire: Match Recap

Ladies and gentlemen, settle in cause it looks like we're in for a long season. We're not like other columns that'll sugar coat everything. We'll call you out when it's needed and if the team isn't performing we're not going to sit here and tell you everything will be okay. So here is a recap of Friday nights shit show:

Kaka, Where Art Thou? 

  

Our captain picked up a knock the weekend of the season opener against Real Salt Lake and was ruled out once again last night against Chicago. It goes without saying that Orlando in MLS has had little success without Kaka but with the likes of Molino, Shea and Nocerino you'd think the squad could get past the WORST TEAM IN THE ENTIRE LEAGUE. Kaka will inevitably miss more matches because of his age (shit happens) and possible Brazil national team call ups. This team needs to be better prepared for life without Kaka. 

CYLE FUCKING LARIN: 

We're going to be real with you, Cyle Larin will not be an Orlando City player in the long haul. This kid has such a high ceiling and is so young that it would be an abomination if he spent his entire career in MLS. So for now, we need to enjoy Larin as much as possible because he simply is a joy to watch. So when you see Cyle in downtown Orlando dancing on a couch somewhere with a bottle in hand, make sure you buy a round for the kid. 

We See You Carrasco: 

It almost pains me to give Servando credit for the second article in a row but the guy clearly heard what we said. Arguably one of his best performances as an Orlando City player, Carrasco is finally turning into an important player for the Lions. On multiple occasions last night Servando confronted Chicago Fire players for their dramatized antics and we here at the ILF Blog eat that stuff up. Here's to you Carrasco, keep doing your thing and maybe Alex Morgan will share a bed with you. 

Junior Colombian Burger is Hiring: 

Listen to me and listen to me good, if you're going to go out there and not play for the badge on your shirt you need to find a new job. We're looking at you, Higuita. That weak ass display is not something us supporters take kindly to. We get it, you're going from a main role in the team to a backup role but to put on a display like that and see you out partying with the boys after? Nah fam, that's not going to slide with us. We here at ILF condone partying like no other but not after drawing against the worst team in MLS who had 10 men for the majority of the match. Go flip some burgers, dweeb. 

Junior Colombian Burger is hiring, Higuita.  

Junior Colombian Burger is hiring, Higuita.  

Outstanding Atmosphere: 

Friday nights brings out a different kind of atmosphere at the Citrus Bowl. The tailgate, the excitement for the weekend, the inevitable after parties all mixed into one bring out some of the liveliest displays from Orlando City fans. The light display prior to kickoff was definitely one to remember and to see fans in the farthest parts away from the supporter section joining in on the display was a joy to watch. Hats off to not just The Wall but the entire Citrus Bowl. 

What's Next: 

Orlando City travel to the Bronx next week for a Friday night matchup against Man City B in a Eastern Conference matchup as the Lions try to pickup their first 3 points. We will be bringing a "tour guide" for all the OCSC supporters traveling to New York this upcoming week ;). 

I'm out this bitch! Enjoy your weekend.