Buddy Dyer

7 Takeaways from Orlando City vs Real Salty Lake

60,147 Orlando City fans got to witness perhaps one of the most dramatic finishes in not just Orlando City history, but also MLS history.  2 Red cards, 1 penalty and 2 stoppage time goals led for a highly dramatic opener to the Lions season.

Never Leave Early:

A crowd of 60,000+ attended the season opener on Sunday and with the Lions down a man, behind 2-0 and deep into stoppage, fans started to head towards the exit in an attempt of beating the inevitable traffic. Scoring two goals in the 93rd and 94th minute will have many fans thinking twice the next time they try to leave an Orlando City match early.  Yeah, we're looking at you Mayor Dyer.

The Ref Belongs on OBT:

Refs screwing over Orlando City, yep sounds like just another weekend for the Lions.  In other news, water is wet.  A straight red car for Ceren, an iffy penalty in favor of RSL and several other calls against the home team.  Chris Penso must've gone on a binge after the match knowing he allowed the Lions to equalize so late on in extra time. Heard OBT is looking for new employees, jabroni.

Molino Back:

Orlando's prodigal son made his MLS return yesterday after suffering a season ending injury last May.  Molino returned to where he left off last season, looking dangerous on numerous occasions and having the pace and dribbling we deeply missed when he went down last season. Like every other MLS team, RSL players went straight for the harsh tackles on Kevin as he's accustomed to nowadays.  They screaming "Molino back, Molino back."

Brek Shea and Rafael Ramos Going to be a Problem:

While Ramos can be blamed for RSL's second goal, Ramos spent the rest of the afternoon taking on defenders twice his size and getting in Salty Lake players faces for diving. We here at ILF love that shit. Ramos keep doing your thing, homie.  As for Brek, he spent the afternoon giving Tony Beltran nightmares.  Don't be surprised if Beltran's chick was liking Brek Shea's pictures on Instagram after the display Brek put on.

No Kaka, We Still Party:

News broke during the tailgate yesterday that Kaka would miss the season opener due to picking up a slight knock over the weekend. "I heard of the Kaká news then polished off my bottle of champagne, vroooooooom" said one tailgater. It goes without saying, we hope Kaká gets well soon and can't wait to see how Inchy puts together a team with the likes of Kaka and new signing Antonio Nocerino.

Winter Came......

Score the equalizer with the last kick of the match and you can get a weird headline too.  Adrian Winter has been with Orlando City for less than year but is already developing a reputation for dramatic finishes. Prior to yesterday's heroics, Winter was involved in multiple late goals for the Lions last season and though he may be a rotational player this year we expect many more dramatic finishes like Sunday.

The Ref Belongs on OBT:

No seriously, you guys belong on OBT.

 

I'm out!

 

 

 

Orlando Celebrities Pick the MLS Cup Finals Winner

The MLS Cup finals is around the corner and the City Beautiful is abuzz about who the next MLS Champion will be.  Talk of the Gators and Seminoles football game was a faint background noise to MLS playoff conversation this past weekend.  We went around town asking local Orlando celebrities who they thought would be crowned the 20th MLS Cup Champion. 

Buddy Dyer - 'You know, Merritt Paulson and I played power hour with straight absinthe at a democrat fundraiser once at John Morgan's home in Heathrow.  That man knows how to party.  By the end of the night Morgan, Merritt and myself were singing Beegees karaoke on the pool deck.  I gotta support my friend and donor Merritt against those shitbags from Columbus this Sunday'.  

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George O'Leary - 'Since getting canned at UCF, I have been spending my free time watching MLS and I love how Columbus plays defense.  Any real team starts with a strong defense, that's what I always say.  I am also a big admirer of how Kei Kamara plays the game.  If I were his coach however I would make him cut his hair.  I don't like long hair.  Portland has too many hippies and reefer smokers in the stands.  I'm no fan of that kind of behavior.   I gotta go kick some kids off my lawn, excuse me.'

Arnold Palmer - 'I'm not a big soccer guy as the sport was not very big back in my day.  It used to be all horse racing, boxing, baseball and golf in my time.  I recently got into soccer as Carrot Top convinced me to go 50/50 with him on box seats and the sport has grown on me.  I saw Columbus play here in Orlando and that Higuain really gets my goat with his simulation on the pitch.  He reminds me of Chi Chi Rodriguez with his antics.  I'm going for the Timbers'.  

Scott Skiles - 'I have a fond place in my heart for Portland.  Back in the day the late great Kevin Duckworth would chase tail around Rip City after playing in that town.  Portland brings back great memories of hippie girls with loose morals and party favors.  Clyde Drexler would tag along every once and a while.  Those nights were epic.  Go Timbers'.  

There you have it folks.  Outside of grouchy George O'Leary, most Orlando celebrities will be cheering for Portland this Sunday.  Good luck to you west coast hipsters.  At least you care about your team unlike Columbus.  Lets hope that for an MLS Cup Finals those Buckeye loving, wife swinging low-lifes can finally sell out their stadium.