An east Orlando resident is in hot water after a string of hate emails led to his termination from his job. Steve Bolt 54, of east Orlando was recently released from his place of employment after numerous hate emails stating "I hate Chelsea." At first many of his coworkers took it as a joke until Chelsea Mierda was recently hired and the emails were looked at in a different light. "We never paid him any mind" says Cuarto Lugar of Kissimmee a friend of Mr. Bolt. "It wasn't until he flew a banner saying "I HATE CHELSEA" over my wedding reception that we started to think to ourselves how much he hates Chelsea." Numerous colleagues of Steve's stated that he'd text them throughout the day and even call them until the early hours of the morning to remind them of his hate for Chelsea. Mr. Bolt wasn't immediately available to comment but in an email to the ILF Blog he stated "I just want the whole world to know how much I hate Chelsea." One thing is for certain, this man won't stop telling us he hates Chelsea for a long time to come.
60,147 Orlando City fans got to witness perhaps one of the most dramatic finishes in not just Orlando City history, but also MLS history. 2 Red cards, 1 penalty and 2 stoppage time goals led for a highly dramatic opener to the Lions season.
Never Leave Early:
A crowd of 60,000+ attended the season opener on Sunday and with the Lions down a man, behind 2-0 and deep into stoppage, fans started to head towards the exit in an attempt of beating the inevitable traffic. Scoring two goals in the 93rd and 94th minute will have many fans thinking twice the next time they try to leave an Orlando City match early. Yeah, we're looking at you Mayor Dyer.
The Ref Belongs on OBT:
Refs screwing over Orlando City, yep sounds like just another weekend for the Lions. In other news, water is wet. A straight red car for Ceren, an iffy penalty in favor of RSL and several other calls against the home team. Chris Penso must've gone on a binge after the match knowing he allowed the Lions to equalize so late on in extra time. Heard OBT is looking for new employees, jabroni.
Orlando's prodigal son made his MLS return yesterday after suffering a season ending injury last May. Molino returned to where he left off last season, looking dangerous on numerous occasions and having the pace and dribbling we deeply missed when he went down last season. Like every other MLS team, RSL players went straight for the harsh tackles on Kevin as he's accustomed to nowadays. They screaming "Molino back, Molino back."
Brek Shea and Rafael Ramos Going to be a Problem:
While Ramos can be blamed for RSL's second goal, Ramos spent the rest of the afternoon taking on defenders twice his size and getting in Salty Lake players faces for diving. We here at ILF love that shit. Ramos keep doing your thing, homie. As for Brek, he spent the afternoon giving Tony Beltran nightmares. Don't be surprised if Beltran's chick was liking Brek Shea's pictures on Instagram after the display Brek put on.
No Kaka, We Still Party:
News broke during the tailgate yesterday that Kaka would miss the season opener due to picking up a slight knock over the weekend. "I heard of the Kaká news then polished off my bottle of champagne, vroooooooom" said one tailgater. It goes without saying, we hope Kaká gets well soon and can't wait to see how Inchy puts together a team with the likes of Kaka and new signing Antonio Nocerino.
Score the equalizer with the last kick of the match and you can get a weird headline too. Adrian Winter has been with Orlando City for less than year but is already developing a reputation for dramatic finishes. Prior to yesterday's heroics, Winter was involved in multiple late goals for the Lions last season and though he may be a rotational player this year we expect many more dramatic finishes like Sunday.
The Ref Belongs on OBT:
No seriously, you guys belong on OBT.
Massimo Maccarone celebrated a goal in last Saturday's victory 3-2 victory over Bologna in the most ILF way possible. Take a look....
We could use talent like that here in Orlando. Inchy sign him up!