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ILF Mailbag: Fall Edition

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It's that time of year again, where we take it easy with the online banter and dig into the ILF mailbag addressing questions and concerns.  After a two-month nap, let's get into it. 

 

On match days there are many tailgate activities, but none that seem as enjoyable as flip cup.  I've played here and there but have streaky performances and I'm not too confident in just walking up to a game, can you offer any advice? - Abby M., Eustis, FL

This is a fantastic question, Abby.  Flip cup is one of the easiest games to pick up and play, and we here in the ILF have put together a visual aid for the simple three step process met with great success by one of our members.  Practice!

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What's up ILF, I'm majorly stressing out over here.  I've been with my girlfriend for some time and I think now is that time for that next step and lock it down before she comes to her senses and runs away with our children.  What's a great way to make this proposal memorable for her? - Javier O., Orlando, FL 

Brilliant!  Well to make it really memorable I suggest playing the long game.  Make her wait long enough that she just gets tired of waiting and quietly assumes it's not happening for a while until all of a sudden you spring it up on her in front of The Simpsons ride at Universal, right beside the DeLorean.  Congratulations in advance, kids.  Much love from the Firm, we raise a Duff to you.

That's the power of love. 

That's the power of love. 

 

What's up brothers and sisters.  As I sit in this cold, dark place over a bowl of french onion soup I can't help but feel overcome with a mixture of love from all over and remnants of a several year long hangover.  It feels as though the winds of change are about to blow, how do I interpret all of this? - Stevie C., the terraces of Alanyaspor

It sounds like you're dealing with very complex feelings within yourself, young man.  The important thing to do is look within yourself.  We hope that this hit song from Swedish band Roxette is sufficient to aid you in your journey.

 

 

On September 17th Orlando City takes on Columbus Crew and if we win the match, that victory is legit.  Does the Iron Lion Firm have a calculation for the odds of OCSC making the playoffs?  Inquiring minds need to know, fam. - Jeremy M., The Beacham 

You know, they say all teams are created equal, but you look at Orlando City and you look at Columbus Crew, and you can see that statement is not true.  See, normally if you go eleven-on-eleven with another team, you got a 50-50 chance of winning, but Orlando City are genetic freaks, and they're not normal, so you got a 25% chance at best at beating them.  And then you add D.C. United to the mix? Your chances of winning drastically go down.

See the three-way, in the eastern conference, you got a 33 1/3 chance of winning.  But Orlando City got a 66 2/3 chance of winning, cause D.C. United KNOWS they can't beat them, and they're not even gonna try.  So, Montreal Impact, you take your 33 1/3 chance, minus our 25 percent chance, and you got an 8 1/3 chance of making the MLS Playoffs.  But then you take our 75 percent chance at winning, if we was to go one-on-one, and to add 66 2/3 chan...percents, we got a 141 2/3 chance of making the MLS Playoffs.

 

That concludes this installment of the ILF Mailbag, please send any questions you have to ironlionfirm@gmail.com to potentially be answered in future editions of the mailbag. 

FaceTime and chill?

On the eve of a highly anticipated matchup between Orlando City Soccer Club and the Philadelphia Union, the ILF's barra brava spies have supplied us with an interesting story.  It appears as though a local area Orlando Pride and Orlando City superfan has recently been chummy with the captain of the Pride squad, Alex Morgan.

There was no transcript provided of their conversation because it actually took place over the Apple iPhone's FaceTime feature.  

Speculation on my part took place, until the aforementioned barra brava source furnished the proof upon request:

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Not much additional information was provided with the exception that they get along very well and have things in common.  What we seek is whether the conversation was of a friendly or romantic nature.  It's said that the area man is known to be quite affectionate but extremely light-hearted and sociable as well.

Any readers out there with additional information either about the exchange or the unidentified male, please feel free to share in the comments section.  You may withhold your name if necessary.  

A Moment of Silence

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April 8, 2016 was the date.  Chester, Pennsylvania was the setting.  Antonio Nocerino returned to the Orlando City starting XI, yet made as much of a contribution against the Union as he had after getting pulled from the 4-1 thumping of Portland.

With Shea and Larin out, and Higuita a late scratch, many may have looked at Nocerino's ineffectiveness as a major culprit for the lack of creativity in the final third.  He wasn't brought in to be a world beater or even the #2 or #3 guy.  He has talent and, as witnessed recently when he was shown on camera imploring Larin to be aggressive, a willingness to perform.  He just hasn't.

Nocerino shown here during OCSC's match against Philadelphia Union April 8, 2016

Nocerino shown here during OCSC's match against Philadelphia Union April 8, 2016

Toni, you'd do well to tighten up sooner rather than later because if there's one thing history tells us, it's a player can find himself cut loose with little to no reason.  Don't be the guy that finds out on Twitter. 

If worse comes to worst, they're hiring at the Orlando Eye.  Keep that in mind. 

Make America Grape Again

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It's Thursday.  You already know what it is and if you don't, take a seat under the learning tree.  Pay tribute to central Florida icon and national treasure, Grape La Flame every Thursday night @ 10pm at The Patio with Talk Yo Shit.  It's the most live event in downtown Orlando, it's a damn institution and you will witness greatness as Grape himself commands the room with top choice hip hop. 

Drink specials are fire too.  Tell your friends.  Bring your parents.  Don't bother with karaoke at Applebee's anymore, bring that ass.

This just isn't working anymore, can we take a break?

Larin is dat guy.

Larin is dat guy.

Beginning this season Major League Soccer teams were given the option of not playing during periods of international duty.  This greatly benefits Orlando City Soccer Club as many of our beloved Lions were called up to play for their country, thus leaving us shorthanded for many games in 2015.

The international break is observed by leagues around the world and is seen as an opportunity to rest ailing players that aren't selected and it is generally perceived as a method of ensuring that club teams are able to compete at their strongest throughout the season.  Amongst the benefits there are casualties, and none more glaring than the soccer fan.

VROOOOOOOOM.

VROOOOOOOOM.

One fan in particular, a central Florida area resident of Honduran ancestry that I conversed with at the OCSC-NYCFC watch party at Lizzy McCormack's, was recently discussing with me the two week period as it is devoid of the beautiful game he loves.  When I made mention that he would be able to occupy himself with friends playing the newest iteration of FIFA, he called me a "nerd" and proceeded to order himself two shots of Jameson Irish Whiskey, ignoring me for the remainder of the evening. 

My only other interaction of the night was with a gentleman en route to the restroom that I inadvertently bumped into.  Prior to me asking his thoughts regarding the upcoming break in play, the young man peculiarly asked, "Are you a cop?" to which I responded, "No sir.  I'm a journalist. "

The man, a bit inebriated at this point, described the love and devotion he shares for Orlando City however became increasingly emotional when faced with the realization that there would be a two week layoff leading up to Orlando City's next match against the Portland Timbers.  After briefly referring to himself in the third person and describing his lack of patience with PRO referees, the individual chugged the remainder of his vodka soda then exited the establishment.  It is said that he's now traveling with Disney on Ice.   

 

We feel ya, brother

We feel ya, brother

This is a cautionary tale for those of us also suffering through the grueling international break with little action aside from spring training baseball and moderately related satirical articles.  You are not alone.  Be there for one another, the time will pass.