An east Orlando resident is in hot water after a string of hate emails led to his termination from his job. Steve Bolt 54, of east Orlando was recently released from his place of employment after numerous hate emails stating "I hate Chelsea." At first many of his coworkers took it as a joke until Chelsea Mierda was recently hired and the emails were looked at in a different light. "We never paid him any mind" says Cuarto Lugar of Kissimmee a friend of Mr. Bolt. "It wasn't until he flew a banner saying "I HATE CHELSEA" over my wedding reception that we started to think to ourselves how much he hates Chelsea." Numerous colleagues of Steve's stated that he'd text them throughout the day and even call them until the early hours of the morning to remind them of his hate for Chelsea. Mr. Bolt wasn't immediately available to comment but in an email to the ILF Blog he stated "I just want the whole world to know how much I hate Chelsea." One thing is for certain, this man won't stop telling us he hates Chelsea for a long time to come.
It is a sad day for the Doe family as they have to go on with their daily lives knowing they might not ever see their husband and father again. John Doe of Holly Hill, FL recently left his family of 3 in order to pursue a life of running errands. While this would catch many of us off guard, John's now former wife Suzy Q says she should've saw it coming. "He would talk about errands in his sleep and would come home at odd hours of the night" in an exclusive interview with Suzy Q Doe. She says that it was 3 years ago when she asked her ex husband to pick up milk and go to the post office that she noticed a difference in him. "He started getting more and more excited about errands and then it got to the point he replaced family vacations with running errands" proclaimed Suzy Q. John left behind two daughters named Cindy Lou and Myrtle, while one of the daughters declined an interview and told us "Talk to my lawyer" and threw a stuffed animal at us. Cindy Lou went on record saying that "He was a good dad but when he started calling us Errand 1 and Errand 2 it got a little weird." The last information we have about John is a Facebook status of a check in to Publix saying "Errands!!!!!!!" with several heart faces. Let's hope for the Doe family's sake that John returns one day as his current whereabouts are unknown.
While the news is still developing and we are gathering more information by the minute, these accusations are very real. At 2:36 AM on Thursday morning a source who asked to remain anonymous approached the ILF Blog with some disturbing information. This popular meme maker was seen parked behind a newly built Wawa south of downtown Orlando. The eye witness stated that numerous memes were exchanged for several Wawa hoagies. As the other vehicle drove off, our source stated that they had a "Yao Ming for President" bumper sticker, narrowing it down to a person from China and/or Houston. The witness went on to say "One of the memes was worth at least 100 likes." We have since reached out to this popular meme maker who refused our interview but simply would say "Respek my f****** name." We can only hope these accusations come to be false in the end as this meme maker has made a monopoly of the meme business since putting several other meme makers out of business.
The city of Philadelphia is rich in sports tradition. The Phillies have spent the better part of the last decade competing for second to last place in the National League East, the 76ers are constantly in search of new ways to monetize their history with several years-retired Allen Iverson whilst languishing in the NBA cellar and if I had a nickel for every time the Eagles won a Super Bowl championship, I'd have zero nickels.
Philly's most successful athlete is surrounded by the dark cloud of death, RIP Apollo Creed, Mickey and Tommie Gunn. Unfortunately for the city, the dark days will continue as the Lions seek to continue making moves early on in the MLS season.
With the losses of Brek Shea, Cyle Larin, and Tommy Redding due to injury and PRO fuckery respectively, we likely see a Beast unleashed as well as UCF standout Hadji Barry getting significant time en route to extending the upward trend of results. Then again Kaká might find himself thriving in the false 9 position again as he seeks a second consecutive FIFA Ultimate Team in-form gold card.
Join us at our official ILF Watch Parties:
Orlando: Lizzy McCormack's , 55 N Orange Ave, Orlando, FL 32801
Lake County: Tiki West Raw Bar and Grill, 118 W Ruby St, Tavares, FL 32778
Volusia County: Robbie O'Connell's Pub, 550 Seabreeze Blvd, Daytona Beach, FL 32118
Ocala: Gator's Dockside , 3920 SW 42nd St, Ste 101, Ocala, FL 34474
All venues are kid-friendly during the match and up to 30 minutes after the game's conclusion. Come join us.
Unbeaten. Top of the eastern conference. 'Nuff said.