Orlando City v. New Jersey Red Bulls: Match Preview

Happy Cinco de Mayo, ladies and gentlemen. Before you start indulging in the finer things in life such as beer, tacos and pineapple margaritas I bring you the only Orlando City match preview that matters. It's our Lions vs that Red Bulls team that says they're from New York but really they play in a crappy part of Jersey (you can't fool us).

 

Mr. ILF Returns: 

 News broke in the past week that our favorite give no fucks defender Aurelien Collin was being sent to NYRB in exchange for a half eaten snickers and a half off coupon to a Denny's in Poinciana. Not only did this trade send shockwaves among the OCSC faithful but it also leaves us very thin in perhaps our weakest position. While many have already called for OCSC to bring over the cunt known as John Terry, I say screw that. I'd rather us have a tumbleweed play center back.

 

Where In The World Is Kaka? 

Ricky's health has been a huge talking point as of late as our captain has been as absent as a highschool kid with senioritis. How injured is he, you ask? Lets just say, a source close to ILF confirmed Ricky was showing off some sweet dance moves at the recent Denzel Curry show at the Social. This summer will surely be Kaka's last chance at being able to play for his country in a major competition such as the Copa America. However, that shouldn't take away from his club duties because every person knows that club comes before country. We don't care if it's the Copa, get your mind right.

 

Friday Night Lights: 

Nothing beats a Friday night match. It's common knowledge that Friday night matches over the past year have been absolutely LIT. We have researchers at the University of South Dakota working around the clock to figure out why exactly these Friday matches have been nothing less than movies. Is it knowing that you have 2 hours from the time you leave work until kickoff to crush that 12 pack that's sitting under your desk? Is it knowing you can party until 6am and stay in bed for the next two days? Find out next time on ILF Blog. 

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Revenge Is Sweet: 

We did it last week against the Rev's and we're going to do it this Friday against those Red Bull nerds. The Rev's scored a controversial late equalizer at our home, so what did we do? We went up there two weeks later and scored a late equalizer. Buy Carlos Rivas a beer when you see him next. NYRB came to the City Beautiful last year and let's just say it was madness. We didn't forget Sacha Kljestan's diving performance or Dax McCarty's punk ass brother trying to make his way into our section. Mix all that with the recent drama when City went up Harrison, NJ and the fact it's a Friday night and we have ourselves something epic. 

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Prediction: 

I'm going for a 2-1 Orlando City win on Friday night. If Collin does in fact start for NYRB, he will inevitably score against us because if I know anything about having bad luck as a sports fan it's that things like this ALWAYS happen. I would love to see a squad with Rivas and Molino on the wings which if Kaka is injured seems unlikely. Inchy will most likely go with a 10 man squad as Nocerino will surely start and be absolutely useless. Anyways, make sure you get off work early tomorrow to beat traffic and grab some cold ones cause Friday night is going to be a LITUATION. 

I'm out! 

Vamos Orlando!