On Thursday, Orlando City announced the signing of AC Milan midfielder Antonio Nocerino after D.C United failed to convince Nocerino that playing at RFK Stadium was very attractive. Now that the dust has settled on the Nocerino signing, we can look forward to what the Italian National will bring to the City beautiful.
Rise in Olive Garden stock:
Like Kaka bringing in a strong South American fan base, Nocerino will attract an Italian fan base to Orlando never seen before. With that said, we can expect to see a rise in Olive Garden's revenue with the authentic Italian restaurant being located on every other corner in the Central Florida area. Nothing says soccer like getting loaded up on fettuccini alfredo and breadsticks before a match.
Girlfriends showing up to matches without their boyfriends:
Have you seen Antonio Nocerino? This man is going to make a killing among the Central Florida females. The likelihood that Nocerino will have to file a few restraining orders against Orlando females by the end of the season is very high.
More Men growing beards:
Step aside Nat Borchers, Antonio Nocerino has the best beard in MLS. Out goes the hipster, gluten free, organic beer beard that is Portland Timbers Nat Borchers and in comes suave, Italian, homemade pasta beard that is Orlando's Nocerino. We can see many bros showing up to the Citrus Bowl this season trying to duplicate Nocerino's beard.
Kaka + Nocerino bromance:
Reunited and it feels so good. The signing of Nocerino will bring back together the midfield duo of Kaka and Antonio who were very close during their days in Milan which made the move to Orlando much more enticing than a move to D.C and Waffle Houses every square mile. Carpooling to training, selfies and bro hugs, it's all happening.
At long last, we finally don't have to see Mr. Morgan on a regular basis. After coming over in the Okugo deal, the other half of Alex Morgan made 12 unmemorable appearances. With the signing of Nocerino, we can only hope to see Carrasco in the background of pictures next to Alex Morgan. Get a job, bozo.